Dan's Fruit Table

This, my friends, is an example of the proper use of a table:

FruitHow Good Is It In Bed?
Kiwi"too small"
Strawberry"way too small"
addendum: "see if you can shoot it across the room. begin practicing with ping pong balls and work your way up"
Banana"nice, but too vanilla"
Watermelon"jesus christ, do you think i'm goatse man"
Cantaloupe"interesting texture, but not for beginners"
Honeydew"the poor man's cantaloupe"
Lemon"too small, if the skin breaks your ass will hurt for days"
Lime"see entry for Lemon"
Orange"see entry for Lemon"
Grapefruit"not for beginners, but it will work your way up to cantaloupe"
Pineapple"for veterans only, but the greatest experience you and your rectum can have together
...there will be blood"